Mahjong Craze

I used to think that mahjong was a leaden, insipid game designed for stodgy old folks and the wealthy tai tais to occupy their vapid time while waiting for their deaths. Its more irksome when coupled with the shuffling of the ivory pieces every time people 'wash' their tiles after games and the constant silly shouting of pong , gang and hu. I dismissed mahjong because of the fatuous, clownish and uncouth behaviour that's characteristic of mahjong playing. Therefore, I never bother to pay attention to the gameplay until I was introduced to the game at my grandaunt's house during Chinese New Year visiting.

It was only then that I realized how wrong I was. The rules and objective were briefly explained and basic gameplay was taught to me. After a few games, I managed to have an inkling of how the game was played. My uncle told me that one can tell a person's personality by how he plays his tiles in a game of mahjong. Whether the player is a conniving, sly bastard son of a Pinocchio, or whether he is square and predictable.

Expressions are extremely important. One must learn how to conceal one's joy or disappointment. I can picture Michelle Yeow telling Sayuri her protégé aka Zhang Zi yi, " A true mahjong plrayer can makte a man peee in his tracks with a single look. "

Armed with the little experience and inflated confidence, I decided to look for people to challenge. I went online to chat with some of my friends who were mahjong enthusiasts to fix a game with them. Soon enough, the trio were ready. I logged out and went to join the game.

I told them not to give me chance and go soft on me just because I was a newbie. I was eager to test out my new found knowledge. They sniggered at me.

"No problem, bunch of arrogant people. Lets see whose intellect and brains are more powerful."

They stacked and distributed the tiles with lightning speed like how they do in those Hong kong gambling shows. I stacked my tiles gingerly and pressed the sides of the snake shaped tiles clumsily in a weak attempt to get them up in vertical fashion.

Having set my tiles in place, I examined my tiles with the intensity akin to a pervert staring at the tiled wall separating his room from the shower-room of his pornstar neighbour.

"Wahahaha, 清一色 all numbers series, in ascending some more. Not bad for a beginner. You guys are all going to die. Wait till I get my tile, then good game already."

Adrenaline was pumping in me as I waited in eager anticipation for my final tile. Several rounds went by. Evidently luck wasn't with me. I still saw no signs of the tile which was the final key to the riches. Worry began creeping at me. I felt my perspiration trickling down my neck, my chest and into my navel. I was contemplating whether I should stop waiting and play other patterns instead. By pattern, I mean the bamboo or the tong.

"HU LE 胡了" Oh shit. Someone got his tiles before me. 十三么 WTF!!!!!!!!! -$8000! Great now my account has just entered into deficit. I think my face became whiter than a geisha for a moment.

The winner began laughing awfully loud. His screeching laughter sounded awfully familiar like 曾志伟...Phew, lucky thing I'm only playing Celebrity mahjong明星三缺一. If not.. I cant imagine the damage it would have done to my almost non existent savings. Looks like I have practice more. Oh, 洗牌啊 Next game!