Vertigo. Acrophobia
I discovered that i have an acute fear of heights. All my life, I never dare to stand too near to railings because i always have this dreadful thought that the railings or glass panels will just shatter and both of us will just cascade down. I experienced mild discomfort when i look down thru the glass lifts in Junction eight.
Only in the army, it was more significant than i'd realised.
Saf had several obstacles which were pure torment for me. They painted nice names like jacobs ladder, lower ramp and balancing beams. And i foolishly believed that they were fun.

Then i began. My heart beat started racing. Faster than when my mother walked into the room when i was surfing porn in my younger days. Furiously. Madly. I pushed myself. Each step brought a whole new wave of gut-wrenching panic. I wanted to quit. The only thought that crossed my mind was to jump down and i will be out of army. The balancing beam become a symbol of defeat and debilitating panic. It was mocking at me like how i used to mock at those contestants in fear factor.

I plodded on. I came to the ledge. My head was spinning. People used to comment abt balls shrinking in times of absolute fear; mine probably did. Coldfeet. Weak knees. Arms were heavy. My legs wobbled when i had to jump. I faltered and i threw my rifle down instead. The instructor muttered several strings of vulgarities but i paid no attention. Because i thought i heard the faint whimper of the injured rifle. After ten impatient calls of the sergeant to jump , i prayed and jumped.
Make or break. Heaven's will. I landed.

"Ehy! u stupid cheebye la, land properly laaaah! gan ni nia,do again. go. go do again." Wif a stupid grin, i ran back for another round. Somehow i felt good. Thanks for those people who gave me encouragement.
Kudos.